Why I cant...

Why I cant draw,
Why I cant be beautiful,
Why I cant just read without brain storming,
Why I cant have something that always wanted,
Why I cant live a day without stress,
Why I cant move on,

Why.
Why.
Why.

I questioned so many things to God, I havent find the answer, or probably God already gave but my heart couldnt see it. Its been only a few weeks and I am crying right now . I miss my family, I miss my old friends back in high school, I miss being proud of myself whenever I achived something good.

Or should I start writting my gratitude list?

Being able to enter college/university,
Met a few great friends,
Great room,
Have money to buy food,
Have all the stationaries to study, to write, to draw
My parents are still alive,
My family are supportive,
Being able to walk,
Being able to see,
Being able to talk,
Being able to live as normal life.

Why I cant be grateful for what I have?