I write whatever I want, my english are bad to be honest. If you hate bahasa rojak and you are a grammar police, my blog is not a great place for you to visit. Peace.

More to glad than regret?

"I can't wait to finish SPM and get the hell out of here"
"Nanti menyesal cakap macamtu"- (a senior)

Nope, I dont regret. 

End of high school, the place where people said that its the most memorable one instead of primary school. Indeed, I agreed with that. I couldnt remember all things I learned in maktab, there were too much. Too, too much. 

I started my high school not so great to be honest. Classmates, seniors, all of those dramas, shit rumours people made about me like they knew me so fcking well and stupid things I did.  I dont really like to remember it. Lets be real, siapa je suka kenangan pahit dan things we did that were really really embarassing. lol.

Anyway, my 2 last years in maktab were great. Classmates yang gila and more helpful then the old ones (but i still love my 12/14 mutiara, except for the boys) , very 'family-like-feel' homeroommates. They are the only reasons why I enjoyed my 'senior year' in maktab.  Oh, and also my Mutiara 12/14 girls and 'crush' . Danggg, I miss makan2 petang and gossiping with them. <3 div="" nbsp="">

but, there was time i prefer to be lonely. I usually walked alone during turun kelas for prep malam and balik dorm from prep petang. I really like to balik dorm lambat, class was my favourite place when I was form 5. I know, it weird but seriously i like to sit in class instead of dorm (probably because i was a LDP that time and rasa malas gila nak kerja taktahan lol) sorry miss marlia, but being LDP taught me that jadi pemimpin is so hard and lagi2 kena bekerja dengan other organization who hate you. (being honest here) . ok kisah lama *tutup*

After the wardens made the rules become so strict, i just wanna get out of there as soon as possible. But the wardens are actually a really really really nice. Just, the students dont appreciate that or dah biasa sangat the rules lama2. idk.

 I thought a lot of things and changes i wanted to do after i get out from here. Tukar number, buang every school uniforms, leave all whatsapp group, rasa malas nak contact balik dengan budak-budak maktab. But I cant do that, because I was attached to them for so long , until now. I ended up still use the same number, stay in every whatsapp groups except for mutiara 12/14 and 4 mutiara 2015. 4 mutiara group dah lama left sebab masa f5 adanya kelas mentor so ramai pindah kelas, a year takcukup to 'attach' bond classmates yang kuat lol plus most of classmates still masuk kelas 5 mutiara so group tu memang dah takguna. Mutiara 12/14, i left that group during SPM. Paling semak sebab tak aktif langsung. But I made a new group termasuklah budak-budak pindah tgb/gov sebab nak tahu perkembangan cerita mereka. (kemain nak left group maktab last2 buat group hahahaha). 

I moved to new primary school when I was eleven, I was very sad nak masuk sekolah menengah because i didnt want to leave my old primary school friends, like really really sad. Thats are probably why I didnt regret saying 'Tak sabar nak habis SPM' , not because i didnt get great life during that time, my friends was DA BOMB ! I enjoyed my life that time. Because, I already had enough with high school life, i wanted to be in next 'chapter'.

Thats is part of life , there are 'stages' you need to get through, like it or not, want it or not, you just have to jump into it. My high school, no, 'maktab life' ended. All the good and bad things became memories. All we can do is to wish an impossible wish. 'Can i go back to high school life again'. (But I never have that wish beause I dont want to go back to maktab because i hate wearing school uniforms.)

I miss it, of course, I miss them. My teachers, my classmates, my homeroommates. All I can do is to just keep contact with them and remember them as long as I can.

Part that I gonna miss,

1. Bangun subuh , pergi surau pakai telekung + pakai seluar sweatpant bercorak 
2. Lepak di DS during weekend tengok drama .
3. Fikir alasan atau sebab nak lalu depan kelas crush. (during 2016 sebab kelas dekat).
4. Jalan sesorang balik dorm after prep petang (I like doing that I dont know why).
5. Lepak dengan kawan, gossip until 1-3 am or tengok movie dekat bilik study.
6. Jalan dengan classmates perempuan ! especially balik dorm after prep malam. The best wei.
7. UNGA and minggu aktiviti 2016 poem perfomances (we won!)
9. Bermanja dengan cikgu saliana (she's been with me since f1 sampai f5) (tice if you read my blog again i really miss you :( )
10. Lepak dekat pejabat miss marlia.
11. Sesi luahan dengan roommates (with mila especially because she became my roommates during f1,f2 and f5)
12. Kena denda dengan cikgu adam .
13. Your friends sang you a birthday song. (small thing already enough to make me happy)
14. Me and Elsa left the dataran DDO because we wanted to skip 'motivational cheer and speech).
16. Camp f1 and f4, we walked around area bakri dari petang sampai malam-malam buta (that camp 'merapatkan hubungan silaturrahim' antara classmates baru) .
17. Ceramah ustaz FAUZI ! My fave ceramah ustaz. The other Ustazs are also okay but Ustaz fauzi is my fave.
18. LANGUAGE WEEK 2013 ! Drama team were the best ! but I dont miss being Linda , I had to seduce a form 5 guy in a VERY FLIRTY WAY.
20. Beli burger, lol. (shoutout for those who selalu jadi tukang order)

Camp? Gotong-royong? I hate that. Not gonna include them into list. (except for number 16 because that camp is the ONLY AND ONLY camp I enjoyed)

To the day,,

To the day when i saw big green field and saw building where many successor were borned,
to the day i didnt realize that i was opening a new chapter,
to the day when i cried because i missed home and mama so much,
to the day i saw people were in hysteria for the first time, in real life not in movie,
to the day i fought with my classmates, my sibling,
to the day i cried like mad because my beloved sisters left us,
to the day i tried to fit myself with a new family,
to the day i laughed and loved a lot,
to the day i became something i wouldnt believe i'll be doing it, and i did.
to the day we became one, and shouted out our right, and failed,
to the day i got a new family again,
to the day i became mexican,
to the day i broke my own promise, not to cry about boy,
to the day we almost cried because we were too afraid to answer the papers of our life,
to the day we ended it with sujood syukur,
to the day we said our last goodbyes to each other.

And, to the day,
when all of us received an offer, for our new chapter,
made me realized that my chapters had ended.
I havent start my new chapter yet, my friends did.
and i am hoping to re-write the chapters that i just finished,
i wish i can.
we all wish we can.
but life, must move on.

I dont know, if you are reading this,
my friends.
but if you do,
i wish you goodluck,
make a great journey.

Our new chapter, begin.

Do what you like, dont suffer yourself, making, doing all those things, works you hate. If people say that you would never make it, ignore. Ignore it.

You make the world , no , your world, as what you want. Go for it. Run for it and catch it. And dont forget, to enjoy it.

a trip to Aceh

Im not gonna tell you on how I managed to get my name in the trip and whatsoever or why I decided to join. Our maktab held a trip to Aceh for 20 students (form 4 and form 5) and at first I asked Elsa to join but sadly she couldnt so.... I didnt enjoy la because no close friend of mine joined the trip. There were only 7 f5s and the rest are f4s.

Since it was my first ever naik flight (Ikr, booo me) so I was kinda nervous hahahaha . But everything went well and I think I like going on plane (will expecting to travel more) Inshaa Allah *kumpul duit* . 

The time there were less an hour than in Malaysia. I thought they have the same time but oh well. Takde pape sangat pun. Sampai2 Aceh terus pergi Kuburan Massal, where there are 46.718 people dikuburkan during the Tsunami. 

We went there for 4 days 3 nights. I think we ate the same lunch but different places and different dinner (i am not a big fan of their Mee Aceh I am sorry but I like their ayam penyet its delicious) . 

The best part of the trip is during our 2nd night. Me, Ras , Izzuddin a.k.a Maria and Syafik walked around kawasan dekat2 dengan hotel. Every shop there were closed like 10 p.m like that except for the kedai yang jual phone and kedai makan depan our hotel. Lepas jalan2 , we lepak-ing dekat kedai makan and gossip hahahahaha. I dont know but I pretty enjoy that night (probably because we were free instead of jalan2 yang ada tour guide) .

Clothes? We wore really big baju and our tudung are labuh because we thought that there is a Hudud law there. But one night after we ate our ayam penyet. I met this one beautiful family and Ras asked them about hudud law and the mother doesnt even know what it is ! She asked her husband and her husband said it was like adat there ikut syariah laws since the tsunami.

But the people there are really nice plus you dont have to worry kalau barang kena curi sebab orang sana memang jujur and tak mencuri even you left your motorcyle helmets etc. Tasha lost her money on our last night and the guy who worked at Souvenier store found it and asked the boys whether they ada hilang duit instead of giving it to other people yang minta derma. 

4 days there made me realize that I really love Malaysia and I miss my country food sooo bad. Im not saying their food are weird, no. They just different from Malaysia punya. (if you visit Indonesia makesure to buy Avocado drink, its really cheap and sedap there).

And masa pergi sana ada dapat keinsafan and rasa bersyukur especially the time when we visited Rumah Anak Yatim and one of the school there. Their classes are not pretty and they dont have many advances like other schools does. Meja, kerusi kelas dorang kayu and they dont have any kipas. And the time when we visited rumah anak yatim, each of the kids were given rm1 and they were all like sangat bahagia (RM1 there is sangat bernilai) . Damn my heart back then couldnt handle the feel.

Basically, the trip there were fun because of my batchmates. Ras, Tasha, Jaja, Syafik, Pijol, Maria and Cikgu Sany (I cant believe I mentioned his name lol) . But they are the reason why I like the trip.

Here is some photos from the trip. And also to check out Syafik's vlog of our trip ! You can also watch the F4s (They are currently f5 this year) vlog too.
That is all from me. Sorry I couldnt write more because it is 2.07 a.m. and i have to go to work at 10.00 a.m . 



Can I be selfish? Can I not care about anyone else except for me? Can I not cry about others people? It is that bad to be selfish?

Im tired and sick of helping people who dont really appreciate me, taking care other people heart instead of my own heart.

I have things to chase too. I cant sit back with people who does not even want to work for themselve. I work hard and help them but they dont and always ask others people help.

Should I call that selfish? No. Because its make them look bad. What if I ignore that people, the society will say Im selfish and "nak berjaya sorang2"

Sorry man. Work hard for yourself and then I will help you. Dah besar, boleh fikir mana baik mana buruk, know what you should do and what should you not do.

You are not six years old kid who need people to ask you to do ABC exercise.

Call me heartless. Call me selfish. I dont mind. I am sick of people who dont work hard for themselves and keep asking people and blame god why they didnt get what they want.