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 30th November 2020.

9.50 p.m

 WARNING : This point contained some words that might triggered your anxiety, depression or anything related with mental health.

After two years of hiatus. Im back.

Not entirely sure what to write but I cried for 3 hours straight just now.

Am I going to be okay? Am I ready to venture a new life as an adult? 

Am I going to be disappointment? Am I going to make it?

Cried. Shortness of breath. Heavy chest.

Tonight was probably the worst anxious I have ever feel.

But thanks goodness I didnt self harm as I usual does everytime Im too stress out.

No, I dont have an anxiety. 

And I dont want to self diagnosed myself.

I hate myself. I hate me.

I hate all these pressures that are eating over me.

I hate that I cant make decision.

I hate that I cant be selfish for myself.

I hate that I always give myself high expectation that I, me, myself actually know that I will never make it.

I hate myself for keep on trying.

 

and you know whats the worst? At the end of the day, IM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CHANGE MYSELF. ITS ON ME. A FCKING USELESS MAIZATUL HAMRA.

I should've stop. 

10:10 p.m.